Your love; it's soul captivating <3

30.4.07
Esprit de Corps

Today, before we announced the new exco, as I stood on the track and looked upon the team gathered at the spectators' gallery, I felt a wave of.. I-can't-pinpoint-what sweep over me.

Nostalgia..? Was it a mixture of happiness, sadness and longing? Mmhmm. Everyone looked so radiant in the sunset, red and shining with sweat. Hard to imagine that 15months or so have passed.. Well, as they say, time flies when you're in good company..This is the best company I've ever kept. Still something like 7 months left to my JC life (and I'm still hurtling towards A Big Unknown. Nevermind, it's all in His capable hands.), yet I already know with an inexplicable finality that when I look back on these days 10, 20 years down the road, it's these smiling faces I will rememeber most vividly.

Was there an element of pride too? Definitely. We've built this team together, literally with blood, sweat and tears. Oh yes, I will never forget the tears. We've grown so accustomed to each other we're not afraid of displaying our rawest emotions in full view of everyone, safe in the knowledge that there're always ready, outstretched arms to cushion our falls. We've, to put it emphatically, been thru shit together, and look at how we've thrived, look at how we've grown both physically and mentally (and even spiritually)! Just like the little plants I often see growing in between cracks in the wall, pavement, anywhere with the slightest hint of fertile soil.. we've battled the odds. A college environment that dares you to dream, that is our fertile soil. Yet, ironically, constraints in funding, rigid adminstrative rules, disapproving parents &c, these are the concrete weights over our heads. Nevertheless, the love in this team and the collective passion we have for what we do are the nutrients from which we draw our strength. Recently, a friend commented that it's just so incredible how all of us can be so dedicated towards canoeing that we all try to train more than what's 'prescribed'. I thought about it for a while and realised she's right, it is incredible. We're not talking about just a handful of enthusiastic individuals here but a whole team of maniacs! We all have this mutual attitude of diligence, this innate stubbornness to push for that extra 10% during trainings. When we screw up any lats pull down, lats row, whatever, we do extra to make up for it! We're all of us insane! On the other hand (tho it doesn't make much difference 'cause it's similarly calloused), do you know how precious that is? That determination to fight for our dream, that determination to cross the buoys with no regrets.. It isn't easy to earn my respect, I don't think, but everyone in this team has, and will keep it too. You have also shown me that the human heart is capable of possessing great amounts of love and still be genuine. I used to think it's meaningless to have more than a couple of best friends because beyond that you can't really mean the care and concern you show towards others. Now I can't bear the thot of us going our separate ways in pursuit of our future! (So it seems like I haven't really outgrown my selfishness huh? :))
..Personally, I really want to thank God for this blessing. It must have been His grace at work in bringing together such a team where everyone complements each other so well. Jave's got it spot on, "I don't think I'll ever want to work and sweat with anybody else but this team. And it's like all of us run on the same frequency! All 12! Sometimes I don't even know my classmates and they're only a group of 5 or so.."

The prospect of what is to come in 70+ days --we'll be hanging up our paddles for the final time (tho not for me, I hope), heading for the library instead of the gym, hitting our books hard instead of the weights in the gym-- is somewhat depressing actually. But let's just say I both dread and can't wait for it. Sentimentalities aside, this is IT. So we've added 17 new teammates to this relay, but it's not time to hand over the baton yet --we have our final stretch to run. The final burst. Our show.

The important thing now is to stay focused on the race. I believe we all want to finish the race such that we can say we've put up the best fight we could muster. And that we've kept the faith, in both God and the team.

For the final burst-

Labels: canoobs, Gideon Jnr., Thanksgiving :)

go to, then; your considerate stone.
8:25 PM
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28.4.07
Be Strong, Believe.

Let it go
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know
The hardest part is over
Let it in
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours
These small hours
Still remain

Let it slide
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine,
Till you feel it all around you
And I don't mind
If it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by
It's the heart that really matters in the end

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These small hours
Still remain

All of my regret
Will wash away somehow
But I cannot forget
The way I feel right now

In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate
Yeah, these twisted turns of fate
Times falls away
Yeah, but these small hours,
These small hours
Still remain

Yeah, They still remain
These little wonders
All these twists and turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These little wonders
Still remain
Little Wonder Rob Thomas

Trng was good today, thank God. I know I wasn't in OPS yet when we took timings for my event so..:) Since there's no such thing as the perfect race, man can only go faster!
And the 10X killer slopes.. That was a real test of faith and mental strength; spent 4 rounds debating over whether I should just stop at 7, yet I made myself see it thru. I'm glad I did, that final burst up the incline was the best I've ever done so far :)

!!!New Target: I can, must and will cut 10s (actually more like 7s I think) in 2 months.
Jiaolian says if I can do that, my prospects are pretty good :)

Very brief post, I'm heading off to own some math ass(ignment)! :E

Labels: canoobs, Gideon Jnr., Lyrics, Thanksgiving :)

go to, then; your considerate stone.
9:10 PM
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22.4.07
Think BIG

Wahh I really owned myself this week, my arms have never felt so sore for a loooooong time. But it's a good feeling I guess, even tho I planned to train much more, I know I have done all that I physically can already so.. :) (Attempts to pat my own back but finds out painfully that it can't be done.)
Everywhere I look, I see people fighting for their dreams and it inspires and sustains me :) Keep going people! It can't get any tougher but you can! :)

And dear You, thank You for bringing me thru this week Lord, I don't think I could have kept myself going without the knowledge that I can draw on Your strength anytime and anywhere. And You will never fail me. I wanna apologise for all the times I've tried to be my own warrior and fight my own battle, because now I know that being your soldier is so much better :) Like I told Manda, I've realised that I haven't been making progress trng-wise because all along I've been trying to handle everything on my own, hence the fatigue and the burn-outs and the embarrasingly slow timings. I pack only 50kg in this 1.56m tall frame, of course whatever energy I have, whatever I gain artificially -- thru consuming endless bars of chocolate &c -- it's all gonna be used up soonish. But God, He is so much bigger, so inconceivably huginormoous, and He offers us His everlasting strength with outstretched hands. We don't have to run after Him before He blesses us with it. With anything for that matter.. The other day I was reading Matthew, and this verse just jumped out at me, will post the King James version here because the lit student in me finds it so much more beautifully expressed:

Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
(Matthew 6:26)

..And I remembered a line from one of the New Creation Church worship songs,

.. Grace I've received,
Not worked for, unearned.

:) One final verse for Manda,

In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.
(John 16:33)

Labels: canoobs, Gideon Jnr., Thanksgiving :)

go to, then; your considerate stone.
8:30 PM
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21.4.07
Go Jack the Bean Stalk!

20 Apr 07_
On the way home today I saw a shadow of myself in this little girl from ATS. She looks something like how I used to when I was a kid, tall for her age (Yes it's hard to imagine isn't it? I used to be one of the tallest in lower primary!) and.. not skinny, but lean, the kind of build that tells you she loves to run, jump, skip, whatever, just generally being active and stuff. In fact, she was wearing a red ATS T&F shirt with a white towel slung over her right shoulder and held 2 silver trophies in her hands. Yet she was just kind of walking along in a pensive mood, you know those tell-tale gestures? Looks into the distance as she replies to her chatty friend, vague smiles.. and when they went their separate ways, she walked with her eyes on the ground (But not quite like how Elisa does it, just you know, fixed on some spot 2metres away). The freakiest thing was how she climbed the slope that leads up to our apartment blocks, using the exact same route I chose everyday! I have NEVER seen anyone else do that, seriously, 'cause the way I chose isn't exactly the most convenient, though rather more exciting :} Here's an illustration of it:

(1) We avoid the long and monotonous climb up the path laid out for residents with the railings at the side and shelter overhead to deviate off onto the concrete where you're clearly not meant to walk, and
(2) she STEPPED ON THE EXACT SAME SLAB OF STONE I ALWAYS STEP ON with THE SAME DELIBERATE CARE!
(3) By the time she started climbing the grassy slope I was grinning away because somehow I knew exactly where she was going to go next..
(4) And lo and behold, she walked on the rectangular pieces of concrete laid out to form a path to the void deck of my apartment block!

The pink path is the route that other residents take. There used to be some who would climb the grassy slope (3) but not anymore since the No Entry sign's been put up. The orange route is exclusive, as far as I know, to me and this little girl :D Since we're on the topic of probability for math, let me demonstrate academic rigour by using probability to prove meself (Oh dear this sounds so Mr P_rvis):

Let A be the event that residents chose not to take the proper path
B -- what's described in (2) i.e. stepping on that slab of stone
C -- climbing the grassy slope
D -- what's described in (4)
P(A)=0
Therefore, P(A n B n C n D)=0 since they're dependent events.

Yayy Mr T_o should be so proud! :]

.. So for one surreal moment as I walked behind her, I felt like I was watching myself. How can someone I've never met till today be so similar to me in so many ways? Anyway, I hope she discovers canoeing someday, have a feeling she'll love it as much :)
___
Speaking of canoeing, I think I'm not cut out for 1000s :C Cos like when I switch into maintenance mode, my mind tends to wonder off on its own even as my hands continue to move.. 500s are different, you know everything has to be all out and it's just burstmaintainburst before the race is over, so you kinda force yourself to get into the zone more quickly and stay there so that nothing distracts you, not even big waves and imba wash. Stillll, it's no excuse, I'll just have to learn to focus.
Reckon practicing math probs might help? :D
___
Got tagged by ETee! :D

A is for age
17

B is for booze of choice
I don't drink! Haha but Bailey's are <3

C is for career
I could do a Mr P and go, "To those of you who know english, to career means to rush forward!" :D
Okok, it's gotta be advertising!! Pls pls pls let me land a job with the big names, like Saatchi&Saatchi :}

D is for your most dreaded
Bean stalked on the way to school :S Now I avoid bus number 54 like the plague! Ask Manda, the one time I was stupid enough to venture onto that bus, I had to make a distress call to her so that I can talk to her and not the bean stalk for the entire way to school :D

E is for essential item
My trusty Nalgene bottle, affectionately named the Ultimate :) Tho I've been harbouring thots of getting a new pretty orange one of the same model of late *ahemHintHintahem* :}

F is for favorite song at the moment
I'm still Here Vertical Horizon

G is for favorite games
Ermmm..Canal Control on my mum's (now mine) phone. And the other one's got a very long name: Finish-25meters-in-10-Strokes, I play it about 80X6 times every water training :D

H for hometown
Hmm. As in the place I was born/raised in right? So ~~Singapore~~ various provinces in China.. I was always travelling back and forth between my maternal and paternal extended families when I was a wee kid.

I is for indulgence
Only one? Ok I'd say B&J's Chunky Monkey over dark chocolates (tho if it were Anthon Berg's, it's a different story altogether! :D)

J is for favorite flavor of juice
Red apple-Orange PLUS SALT! :D As far as I know, only Van shares my passion, I wonder why.. Hmm.

K is for kids
The BPSS kids whom I tutor for CIP! :)

L is for last hug from husband
(-.-) The last time I checked, I'm still single.

M is for years of marriage
(-.-) Ditto.

N is for name of your crush
I'm a Canoeist, not a Judoka! And so I wash, not crush :D

O is for overnight hospital
When I was born?

P is for Phobia
Spraining my ankle / Seeing other pple twist their ankle, is painful is cringe-inducing is scary :S

Q is for quote
At the moment, "It's the 11.59pm moment of your life. It's turning over to 12. 12 is dark, but it's a new day."

R is for biggest regret
14/07/06, but that's in past tense.

S is for status
Huh? Online?

T is for time you wake up
0640, but ever since I found myself bean stalked I wake up at 0610 so that I can get to school some other way :S

U is for underwear
(-.-) Perv much?

V is for vegetable you love
HIGH-FIVE ELISA I LOVE BROCOLLI TOO!! And Sambal KangKong/Brinjal, but that'll have to wait -- No spicy food for now! :)

W is for worst habits
According to my mum?
1)Dashing out of the house without finishing breakfast, without fail. :P
2)"How do you study with your desk so cluttered and messy?!!" Haha, but it's easier to find my stuff like this! Besides, it's all v. subjective and there are many tables/flat surface around the house.. :P
3)Umm.. I take super loooong to bathe "for someone so short" (>.<) Welll by extension, the water droplets from the sprinkler take very long to reach me what! Haha okok actually it's because I do stupid things like lathering the floor and pretending it's a skating rink, or because it just feels super good to have hot water splattering on my aching muscles after trngs :)

X is for x-rays you've had
Twice, both on the right foot and right ankle

Y is for yummy food you make
UHH.. Cheese omelette? :}

Z is for zodiac sign
Snake/Cancer

I TAG: CheR!! :) And anyone who needs a break..

Labels: Gideon Jnr., quizzes and such

go to, then; your considerate stone.
6:21 PM
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19.4.07

OHMYGOODNESS I AM ABOUT TO GIVE THAT DISGUSTING PERSON A GOOD CANOEIST BEATING GRRRRRRRRRRRRR
WILL YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!
I WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL IN PEACE EVERY MORNING DAMNIT!
$*%#
~~disgusting red faced monkey~~

go to, then; your considerate stone.
11:00 AM
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14.4.07
You never know why you're alive
Until you know what you'd die for

I think I am the most tactless person on earth. But when I see someone going thru what I have gone thru, my heart just breaks, and I can't stop myself from doing all I can to hold her back from the same treacherous path. And in my eagerness to do so, I can become really harsh. So to you, and you know who you are, I'm sorry. Very sincerely so.

I guess I just wanna say this: believe in yourself. In the hard work you have put in, in the passion you have for what you do. Don't let your frustrations get in the way and mess up your plans. In the short term, you may not see any likelihood of lifting yourself above your current situation, but tell yourself this: everything I do now adds up -- every single stroke I make count, counts towards that final 300 / 600 I will row on race day, and every single fear I overcome and push aside makes me stronger against the pressure brought on by my opponents. Yes, we all feel frustrated when we don't row our best, but let it go, leave it in the water and hold your head high. It doesn't serve you favourably to let your emotions overcome you and make you act irrationally. When you feel like you're in danger of doing so, take a break and you'll be able to see more clearly and find out what's wrong more quickly. It's like.. like you've walked into an obstacle and if you're in a hurry to get to your destination, you'd get really frustrated. That's normal, but what not to do is to start hammering away at the obstacle and charging at it like a bull; if you could calm down, and take a step back, and look up, you'll see it's just a short wall that you could've flipped over easily.. Do you know what I mean? It's a stupid analogy, but yah..

So here's to the 3 of us, 01, 02 & 03! :) We'll get there, I know we will.

But because there is no such thing as the perfect race, man can only go faster. (One big splash and a reminder)

-*-

To everyone who's hurting
To those who've had enough
To all the undeserving
That should cover all of us
Please do not let go
I promise there is hope

Hold fast
Help is on the way
Hold fast
He's come to save the day
What I've learned in my life
One thing greater than my strife
Is His grasp
So hold fast

Will this season ever pass?
Can we stop this ride?
Will we see the sun at last?
Or could this be our lot in life?
Please do not let go
I promise you there's hope

You may think you're all alone
And there's no way that anyone could know
What you're going through
But if you only hear one thing
Just understand that we are all the same
Searching for the truth
The truth of what we're soon to face
Unless someone comes to take our place
Is there anyone?
All we want is to be free
Free from our captivity, Lord
Here He comes
Hold Fast MercyMe

(Many thanks to my favourite ExtraTerrestial being for lending me the MercyMe CD! :))

OH AND I MUSN'T FORGET THIS:
THANK YOU GOD..
For my first A-level A -- for PW!! YAYYYYYYYYY!! :)
And for bringing me thru CT1 with a B in GP, B in E Lit, C in Chi Lit (Could've been B!! But it's ok, too great an improvement would be suspicious I guess.. HAHA), D in Econs, and S in Math (My bad for not practicing enough, admin's bad for arranging for Chi Lit and Math to be on the same day! :}).
YAYY not superb but I did put in a lot of hard work and mum knows that.. So my derrière is now firmly planted in Gideon Jnr 'cause she has too much respect for me now to kick me out ;) HAHA

Labels: Gideon Jnr., Lyrics, Thanksgiving :)

go to, then; your considerate stone.
7:48 PM
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8.4.07
Bestir(RED)

I think I've been complacent for far too long.. it's even bordering on arrogance. Didn't see the threat coming, didn't expect it to come so soon.. But it's good that I see things a lot more clearly now :) I'm gonna pick up the pace! And it feels good to be holding on to something so solid, to wake up each day with a purpose in mind :)

This is for You, Lord, 'cause You died for me,
And I wanted to show You how much You mean to me.

Oh, I saw a pretty red Nelo the other day. Completely red! Just like the one I dreamt of last year :)

..At this point in time, I seriously cant imagine what it must be like to stop rowing. And to think that my last race will take place on the first day of my 18th year on earth! YAIKS. Won't let that happen if I can help it.. 'cause I think if I do end up in NUS, I'll still row :)

Labels: Gideon Jnr.

go to, then; your considerate stone.
7:26 PM
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2.4.07
Raffles Row :)

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are
powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens
us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson

Having seen you, you, you and you and you and you in action..What can I say? It was just amazing. And most importantly, truly inspiring :)
Now I am all pumped up for the next race! And the BIG one after that!

GO CANOOBS! I'm expecting many many presents "of the gold-plated kind" for my birthday! :)

In other news, practically half of us are fresh fruit fans (imba alliteration)! :}

Oh and I realised I havent blogged about canoe camp as promised, so here're the highlights :)
1. Of Pokemons and other weirdos (j/k!! :D)
So in true Creative Canoeist fashion, J1s and 2s were divided randomly into 4 biiiig groups which were named after (don't hold your breaths) Pokemons. (>.<) There was Pikachu (my group), Zapdos.. and uh I cant remember the other 2. Haha. And of course we were creatively licensed to come up with hilarious cheers like "P-I-K-A-C-H-U, Pikachu, I choose you! Nanny Nanny Poo POO!" Oh go on, laugh like you want to.. I did!
2. The return of the Homeys and Dawgs
We watched Coach Carter again (again for the canoobs anyways)! Yayy! :)
3. Implementation of the Senior-Pump-Junior 'tradition'
4. Run of Hopes and Dreams
Really have to take my hat off to Ber_ard and Smell for their creativity. This item turned out a lot better than expected! Got me thinking really hard about why I joined canoeing.. And I'm still not sure. Maybe it's because I really enjoyed my OBS sea expedition (even though it was 10hours long and we paddled against the current the whole course) and wanted more; maybe it's because I thought it would be really cool if I could one day don the Raf_les Canoeing jersey I caught a glimpse of 3 years ago in the MRT; maybe I'm just crazy; or maybe God led me here for a reason. To be taught lesssons in faith and love that I wont get elsewhere? I think that's the most likely reason. 'Cause seriously, I just gravitated towards canoeing without any clear motivations in mind.. And yes I stayed on "because I love the team and I love bursting". :)
5. J3 & J12s' visit! :)
Thanks Joo for inviting the J12s down! They're like the only adults who advocate training as hard as you mug! Why can't all of our parents be cool like that? :{ Anyways, had nice chats with J3 girls :) 3/4 of the T-squad reunited! Tracy's in M'sia I think.. And yes I do still owe Sarah B&J's ice-cream :D Just one question, do I get to pick the flavour? :} I hope you like Chunky Monkey! Here's a virtual cone in the meanwhile: C)>
6. SteamBOAT!
Was having a splitting headache by then (moral of the story, don't get high in the shuttle bus on the way to the restaurant and DON'T at all costs, get owned continuously by Ray :{), but sufficiently conscious to listen to Jo's monkey stories and Joo's York Notes-esque scene by scene psychoanalysis :} We are talking about 11 ~~love~~scandal-starved canoobs (ok, with the exception of Muddy who was busy protein-loading) sitting around in a circle of trust on red plastic stools, eyes wide with wonder at Jo's rants on the highly entertaining topic of cheemanzees! This is us on intensive gossip mode! Never thought I'd live to see this day :D
Yeah well, so basically, we had tons of fun, and I am sleepy, which is random, but to end off, here's pictorial evidence of how happy we were! And how messily we ate! :)

Labels: canoobs, cool beans :)

go to, then; your considerate stone.
8:27 AM
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1.4.07
Esprit de Corps

Labels: canoobs, Gideon Jnr.

go to, then; your considerate stone.
8:22 PM
0 comments

Esprit de Corps

Labels: canoobs, Gideon Jnr.

go to, then; your considerate stone.
7:19 PM
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Et toutes mes peines

Child of God. 12^th July 1989. RjcanYeist! 1/2 of Pundits of Pun. TIME Person of the Year 2006 ;) Orange! B&J's Chunky Monkey! Dark chocolates! Sleeping in on rainy days! Attention span of 600 goldfishes.

Trouveront l'oubli

Quand je trouverais l'amour

Untitled: Made this myself, with help from lj.com/fd, which in my humble opinion, remains forever awesome (again, my economics lecturer withers right down to his vegetarian roots). Oh and brushes <3.

Un jour ou l'autre